so before dis i had to tell you all dat, a couple of days ago i was in my car and I saw two individuals lying flat on a green belt area and looking at the sky(also the sky was aesthetically pleasing).they felt at such peace and then I tried to imagine myself in dat position like what if I was in there place because I always wanted to lie flat on a ground and look at the sky and then wonder about anything. in fact i used to do dat too but only on my rooftop where nobody could see me. once it was raining but not like a heavy rainstorm or anything but lil drops at a relatively faster speed(idk I am caught up in my caies tou my brain isn’t really efficient xD) but at that time I felt so relieved.
i connect sm with nature and it feels like everything is so settled in life though it just takes me seconds to realise how messed up my life is rn. but what if I really was lying there? though the important thing that I forgot to tell u was that they were two men and since our society is patriarchal so people will never expect us women to lie there out in the public cause it’s built in a way dat women tend to feel insecure here. but I know about this and can’t really do anything since my 15 year old lil soul sometimes can’t interpret things in an intellectual way so I am just going to leave my thoughts just like this. in the month of july, I decided to spend time with nature, go out and make some memories so I used to spend most of time up on the rooftop and i am proud to say this that I had one of the best times of my life up there, at times where I used to see the sunset or dat cool wind and all the trees swaying by and my neighbours seldom come up on the rooftop so i genuinely felt more comfortable up there without people staring at me.
i struggled to actually enjoy in lahore since I always compared lahore with karachi and it was an infinite cycle which I was caught up in but let me tell u dat I found hope. (my source of inspiration were chill playlists which I found on yt). places in lahore like ‘gulberg’ and ‘defence’ are one of my favs where I tend to find a ‘voice which reminds me of self love’. (though all these place at night time only because labo have an obsession with lights). and this is how I decided to record my memories and make the best out of it so when I am stuck in my caies preparations feeling helpless and depressed about anything I could look back at these and know that there is still sm out there, if not today or if not even this year but I know this for sure that things will be different a year later(hopefully better). idk why but it’s now one of my ‘dream’ to find a buddy and go out discovering love peace and calmness in nature, for the time being it’s just me but I will deffo find someone who have similar interests <33
also I have kinda cut off all connections with people in general and created my own lil universe where I vibe to different music *mostly soft* sometimes look up at the sky, even tho I don’t have much time since all day I am caught up in my studies or thinking about my future like unis and stuff so yeah sed life right now but this won’t stay the same :33
“life is both sad and solemn. we are led into a wonderful world, we meet one another here, greet each other – and wander together for a brief moment. then we lose each other and disappear as suddenly and unreasonably as we arrived.”