Who’s happy here? It’s all sham and fakery,” Nimmo said laconically, not bothering to look up from the magazine. “No one’s happy here. It’s not possible. Arre yaar, think about it, what are the things you normal people get unhappy about? I don’t mean you, but grown-ups like you–what makes them unhappy? Price-rise, children’s school admissions, husbands’ beatings, wives’ cheatings, Hindu-Muslim riots, Indo-Pak war–outside things that settle down eventually. But for us the price-rise and school-admissions and beating-husbands and cheating-wives are all inside us. The riot is inside us. The war is inside us. Indo-Pak is inside us. It will never settle down. It can’t.”
Ministry of Utmost Happiness- Arundhati Roy
It is this inner feeling of a transgender how they are always fighting against their own selves. How they don’t know , who they are and even the people around them don’t support them. All of the riot and conflict is within themselves because they are not able to find that happiness. This hit me hard , especially in these times of Covid-19 when everything has been worsened, we are still fighting . I kind of use this in a different context but like, how each day there are literally several things happening to us against our expectations and for all this, it is important to realise that this is just how life is . I mean, bad things will be there, darkness will prevail and it is your choice, if you spend your time cursing how crappy your life is or probably , lead that riot and be successful in it. I know that my previous post was a bit negative but these days, I have realised that the absence of photons just can’t possibly last long enough. But that war is when you are going through that stage. The only way, you might lead it is when you will give priority to your own self. Although, the days that are now in my past, I had made myself the least priority and probably this why I found myself feeling frustrated most of the time, but I have learnt something valuable .
My weak heart reminds me dat:
“The riot is still going inside you, but soon you might be in the lead if you”ll find your true self”